June 2012
May 2012
Mum: Why is your room always so messy?
Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die.
Kids at my school: I like to smoke weed and get high and I also like to smoke cigarettes.
Me: Sometimes when it's cold, I like to breathe really heavy and pretend i'm a dragon.
Mom: I’m going now, I want the house clean when...
ilikecatsbutnotobsessively:
You: Yeah, sure thing.
Next hour and a half…
And then your mom calls to say she’ll be home in 15 minutes…
-makemesmile:
roses are red
violets are blue
sunflowers are yellow
i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts
Friend: Oh my god I read a book once that had a sex scene in it was so weird.
Friend: Have you ever read anything like that?
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Friend:
Me: No ew that's gross what sort of disgusting human being do you think I am how dare you accuse me of such a thing.
